TITLE: A Little Foam Never Really Hurt Anyone
E-MAIL: eli @ popullus.net
RATING: PG
POSTED: Dec. 1, 2004
NOTES: Because Salieri and Lo were about to take up arms against the students.
DISCLAIMER: Read
One day Jack went through the gate first. He'd gone through first before, so the casual move to put himself at the front of their little line didn't raise an eyebrow, not even two. But he had a reason for going through first this time, and it wasn't because he was looking out for his team. Not entirely. It was mostly about him, and he was probably going to catch some flack from certain quarters for it, but it'd be worth it, oh yes.
He came through on the other end with his eyes narrowed, and found them just poking their heads out of the treeline. Damn, too far away. Looked like he really would have to share.
Stepping to the side, he and knelt on one knee with his weapon snug up against his chest. As Teal'c, then Carter, then Daniel came though -- each of them pulling their own brace-and-grimace as the first of the native-types ran headlong into the field -- Jack swung his pack smoothly around to the ground in front of him without taking his eyes off the swarm. They were getting louder faster this time. Crap.
"Well, I guess I should..."
At the sigh, Jack glanced up in time to catch Carter's reluctant frown before she noticed and pulled herself straight.
"Hammond just wants to get that laptop back," Jack said. "That's it, captain. So you find it on your little scanner thing, we'll clear the way, and then we're out of here. Done. Gone. Never to be back. Ever."
"You don't want me to ask for it back?" Daniel asked slowly.
Ignoring the phantom ache that started right above his eyes at even thinking that thought, Jack cocked his head up again to examine the slight curve to Daniel's mouth. Yeah, a week later it's funny. "Not particularly."
"They have not attacked us," Teal'c said. He looked out over the shrinking space between them and the wave of people. "Other than knives, they do not even have weapons for hunting. I will not shoot."
"Uh, no, there will be no shooting."
Daniel sounded so amused that Jack didn't feel even the tiniest twinge of guilt when he snorted. "Don't be ridiculous, of course there will."
"Right," Daniel said.
"Yep," Jack said back.
Daniel frowned. "Hammond would never--"
"I'm sure General Hammond wouldn't," Carter interrupted. "I'll...I'll ask." She managed to not look too much like she was about to stick her hand into a bear trap, but then she went and said, "I'm the one who dropped it, so it's only fitting that I get stuck with the enviable task of asking for it back."
Jack sighed, stood, and pulled off his sunglasses to give them all the Shut Up And Listen To Me look. And even though they all shut up nicely, he didn't turn to try it on the nutcases rushing their way. Never again.
"Carter, pull out that scanner and get a-scanning."
There was still a small confused line between her eyebrows, but after only a slight hesitation she turned away with a "yes, sir" like he knew she would.
"Daniel--"
"Jack, look--"
"Nah-ah!" Jack held up his hand and got a little glare, but Daniel pressed his lips shut. Jack nodded once, then pitched his voice louder to compete with the increasing noise. "Daniel. You and Teal'c, reach into that bag there at our feet and pull out what's inside, would you?"
Eying him, Daniel bent and put a hand into the pack. Both eyebrows shot up and stayed there as he stood back up and stared at what was in his hand.
Teal'c leaned just a tad closer, curiosity winning out over posture. "That is not the same as the one that I--"
"Nope, you'd need a water gun the size of a Howitzer to make a dent in that crowd," Jack said, kind of proud that he didn't smirk at the thought.
Daniel's mouth opened and shut a couple of times before he managed, "So you...snuck in some Nerf guns?"
Okay, that called for the smirk. "No, fully sanctioned. Non-lethal ammunition." Jack looked over at Teal'c's speculative eyebrow. "Think of it sort of like a zat."
Teal'c made his "huh" face.
Daniel thrust the light plastic weapon in Jack's face. "It's a Nerf gun!"
"Sir!"
Jack barely caught Carter's call from the other side of the gate. When he looked over and saw the first garish headdress and its guy only about 200 yards away, he quickly pulled out the other two guns and tossed one at Teal'c as he yanked the pack back up onto his back. "Okay, works just like a regular gun. Point, pull, shoot. But not until you can count their feathers."
A couple of steps down, poised and ready to run, Carter looked back over her shoulder at them. She blinked, took a deep breath, and turned back to face the forest.
Daniel shifted closer. "You suggested this, didn't you?"
"And if I did?"
The shrug was almost audible. "Good idea."
Jack snuck a look to his right. "I do get them every once in a while."
One guy with bright red feathers that started at his head and trailed all the way down to his ass broke free of the pack. He started hopping up and down, his arms going hard enough to give him lift.
"Sooo. You going to shoot the chief first?" Daniel asked.
"Oh yeah." Jack already had a bead on the head irritant. If no one else got antsy, he might even have time to knock that damn poke-y scepter thing out of the guy's hands first.
Teal'c suddenly bent down. Concerned, Jack looked over, but Teal'c was just laying his staff weapon at the base of the gate. And when he straightened, he had a definite smile going.
"This will be...fun," he said.
Daniel choked on a laugh.
Jack grinned. "See? Good idea."
**
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