TITLE: Lost in the Shuffle
E-MAIL: eli @ popullus.net
RATING: R
POSTED: Aug. 18, 2004
SUMMARY: It's a safety issue.
NOTES: Salieri pointed out the increase in fic with shoelaces. I began to wonder what would happen if Jack and Daniel were in too much of a hurry to be sensual and kinky with the footwear. This, in all its twisted structure, happened.
DISCLAIMER: Read

---

The lamp broke when they fell.

**

"You have the keys."

"No I don't."

"I don't have the keys."

"Okay, someone has to have the keys because we have to get this door open."

"You drove. I don't think that happened without keys."

"That's it. Stand back."

"What? Why?"

"I'm going to break down the damn door."

**

Neither of them had done a last-minute grab for the lamp, more concerned with the complete failure to land on the couch and the sharp pain shooting up into to their ears, all the way from where their elbows had taken the brunt of their impact with wood floor.

**

"Faster."

"The door would have been open faster if you hadn't left the keys in the truck."

"I seem to remember someone concentrating on making sure I wasn't paying attention to anything but every. single. thing. he was doing."

"... Concentrating very hard, actually."

"Yes, you did a good job. Stop gloating. And yet, I still managed to not lock the keys in the truck. So hurry it up."

"Just...shut up. And get your hands off my ass."

"Why?"

"Because my motor skills aren't what they usually are."

"And my hands are the culprit? Culprits?"

"The wine at dinner probably isn't helping, either. Aaaaand, you see? Removing your hands and replacing them with--"

"You know what you need to do?"

"Get this really tiny key to work in the lock while not getting distracted by what you're doing against my ass now? ... And hope against hope that what I just said doesn't result in any crude comments later."

"Well, yes, although you're probably not going to have much luck with that last bit. But also? Hurry up."

**

The side table -- which hadn't been big enough or strong enough, not to stand up against the combined weight of two men on their way to the ground much faster than anyone could have anticipated -- was on its side.

**

"Ow!"

"What? I didn't bite anything yet."

"The doorknob -- stop it -- is digging into my side."

"You're thinking about a doorknob? When I'm doing my best to kiss you until you can't see straight?"

"You were doing fine at that, clichéd though it is. But mmrph."

"Hmm?"

"Grmt-- Damn it!"

"Hey! ... Ow."

"See? Doorknob. Hard. Painful."

"Nice move."

"Thanks."

"Now c'mere."

**

A snort of laughter was muffled by another hard kiss.

**

"Ah, hand...hand stuck in shirt..."

"Hold on... Look, if you'd stop twisting..."

"Usually I'm the last to admit this, but -- thank you -- my bones are older...ohhhh."

"You were saying?"

"Not, oh, okay, yeah."

"Wh-what?"

"Stop...snickering...and just..."

"Harder?"

"Yes."

**

Two pairs of hands started to reach down, fumbling blind and tangling more with each other than with the source of the problem.

**

"Couch. Now."

"The bedroom's--"

"Not gonna...fuck, yeah, do that-- No. Nonono. Stop. Stop until-- Bedroom is too far."

"Gotta back up. Just a couple of--"

"My pants are--"

"Kick 'em off."

"I can't, we didn't--"

**

The kissing gave way when the laughing wouldn't be denied and breathing through both just wasn't possible.

**

"The floor works, too."

"Yeah. And since the momentum's been shot, anyway, how about helping with the boots so I can get these damn pants off before we lose the mood."

##

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